These past few days I suffered from an unknown disease. A disease that's so unusual, it bothered me so much that I almost forgot everything and everyone around me. It made me act, think, and move based on my emotion instead of reason. It was so hard I thought I was about to lose my sanity. I really don't know why I was struck with that disease that eats my inner self. It made me reflect on the things that I've done and how I wasted my time dreaming than leaving. Bringing flashbacks of past painful memories and regrets.
Letting go of your regrets is hard. It's a time bomb that would explode at a given time and before you know it you're struck by the disease. Regrets will haunt you especially if you're one of those who can't easily let go. Sometimes the hardest things to let go of are the things you never really had. Stupid as it my sound but true. I fell in love with this girl. And every time I look at her I feel like a part of me is missing. I thought time would wash away the awkward feeling in my chest. It's hard to accept the fact that she's the reason of this disease.
She's not mine yet I feel a stabbing pain every time we meet. I realized that whenever our eyes meet she was looking so far, far beyond me. I couldn't give her what she wants yet I know, no matter how hard I try to forget, I would still find myself hopelessly in love with her.
It's hard to fall in love with someone when you actually don't know yourself. I'm an 18 year old guy with no goals in life and doesn't know to how set priorities. A proof would be this blog post. A blog filled with sentiments written in a random manner. The clear evidence of my insanity, frustration, and unmotivated thoughts and the product of my self-centered ideas and bragging rights.
It hurts yet it is a proof that I'm alive though I'm not sure if I exist. I was continually hurled with these puncturing feelings but I still continue to stand up and hope for something good. I don't consider death as an option. It is for people who don't want to face their problems on their own. It is hard to live in a stabbing pain everyday, to wake up with a disease, and to comprehend everything when you're about to lose your sanity but the ability to smile and to go on is better than to stop and drown yourself in your own pool of misery.
